3 weeks

Paperwork is checked off. I have my visa. Plane ticket has been purchased and even my luggage is determinedly packed. Leaving the country for at least a year is something of a reality now. It's no longer this crazy pipe dream I had a year ago when I realized how badly I needed to get things figured out so I could start going after something that wasn't working some crapass cubicle job, paying rent, & struggling to figure out how being an adult worked. My solution: go back to school.

I'm excited. My panic comes in waves now instead of a persistent fringe anxiety attack that I've been avoiding for 2 months now. As of today, 2 weeks left of this cubicle in this company that is the epitome of what makes up "the man". Am I ashamed I sold out for as long as I did? Not really. It allowed me to get to this place where I can chase after something I never thought was within reach.

This is the first big step I'm making without the thought of "am I running away?" I'm not. I've just outgrown what's here for me and though I'll miss my friends and family, this is an opportunity I cannot pass up. Instead of running away I'm finally running toward something. I just hope that something becomes clearer once I have left, but I have a sneaking suspicion the lines are only going to blur even more steadily together the farther from here I go. It'll be like a reverse magic-eye picture.