Pink Nose & Apple Cheeks...

The fall has come. I'm glad it never went back up to 90. Galesburg & Homecoming this weekend. Excited to see some folks that I haven't seen in ages, not excited to see or possibly run into others but that's the nature of the beast. I know I'll have fun and that's what matters most.

I've been ferociously reading Ayn Rand for the past 2 months now. I always forget how brilliant she is until I start one of her books. I'm currently 400 pages away from being done with 'Atlas Shrugged' which means I'll have read all of her books, though not consecutively, I still think that that's a good thing. I'm glad I read them in the manner I did, it gave me a great perspective on her. By reading her books though, it has given me the inspiration to figure out a class curriculum and eventual teach a Feminist Philosophy on Objectivism & Ayn Rand when I start teaching. How nerdy does that make me sound? I have yet to start my master's and I'm already planning courses I want to teach when I become a professor :nerd alert: I don't mind, I'm excited. I also think that Rand's philosophy gets misconstrued constantly and people think that being selfish is her end thought which, I suppose it is in a way, but really it's not. I won't start going on about it here, but I feel as if people pass-over much of her teachings and dumb it down to make themselves feel better about what they're doing. Her philosphy is most apparent in 'Atlas Shrugged' and I think if molded properly, it's a great and fine philosophy to live by. Rand was a radical and at least to me, it's very apparent that radicalism has never led to anything even remotely constructive, but taken in small doses and obviously molded into one's own view, it can be a very constructive and positive thing. Here I am going on when this is nothing that I wanted to go on about.

I'm feeling motivated. Quite motivated. I know we're just scratching the surface of winter but I want to get it over with and find spring. I'm waiting to hear back about Glasgow. I haven't wanted anything as much I've wanted this since I was trying to get into Knox 6 years ago. Jesus, 6 years ago, that's hard to believe. Knox shaped me into something that I couldn't have done on my own and I'm thankful for that. Though I regret some decisions and wasting almost 3 years with someone who wasn't worth more than 5 minutes of my time, I know I've grown from that as well and I can't just throw that out, though I'd like to. Where I am now is eons away from where I could've been and that, that I am thankful and grateful for. I'm a better person and deserve better than what I was given and perhaps that sounds selfish but for me, it's the truth and I'm finally able to state it without guilt or consequence. I'll find what I deserve but until then, fuck it, let's have fun.

Remnants of Fall...

My lack of updating makes me bad at blogging. I moved back home to the suburbs to live in my old bedroom at my parents house so as to save as much money as possible for grad school next year. Though it was the right decision, I still regret it at times. Like on the weekends when I do nothing but watch movies, listen to music, and crochet or read. I feel like I'm 23 going on 70 and it's a bit depressing. I don't mind it though. I know it's a means to an end. Mainly Scotland & Glasgow fall of 2009. Less than a year. My application goes in at the end of the month. My letters of recommendation are done and settled and at this point it is just a matter of getting in the rest of the application. I'm sending it out on Saturday because I'm also applying for my passport at the same time. Kill two birds, one stone.

Things I have started to accomplish/work toward since being back here is marathon training. Working in an office with a bunch of professional athletes who ran the Chicago Marathon and the Ironman championship, makes me feel fat and out of shape so I made the promise to myself to start running again, which I have. I'm doing quite well and I know I'll be doing better as soon as I quit smoking, which is a current work in progress. Rockford half-marathon May 19th, 2009, I'll be there, running 13.1 miles. I'll be training all winter. I have exactly 7 months to get my ass in shape and it's doable, and I know it's doable, and well, I'm going to do it. Just in the last week since I started I've doubled my length of running time and now I'm at .5 miles...though I know it's a ways from 13.1, but it makes me feel good knowing that I'm making progress since I haven't ran in over 3 years and I'm still smoking. Though that's been cut in half and my goal is smoke-free by Thanksgiving. That's one perk of being back at home, I'm much more goal-oriented cause if I wasn't, I'd feel like a lonely, loser schlump.

There it is. My update. Marathon training for May, Glasgow application, & Passport application. I'd talk about the election but it's making me more and more anxious the closer it gets. My stomach is in literal knots and if McCain/Palin do win...I'm moving abroad and I probably won't be back. This is a fight I can't continue to fight. It's like fighting an unknown ignorant intangible fog. There's no use in arguing with the irrational. It's a futile argument. I just hope and pray that this ignorant fog hasn't settled and that Obama/Biden do win in 2 weeks. It's nerve-wracking. I may or may not have stolen a Palin sign from someone's yard on my run today, defaced it, then threw it away. Again, mere speculation, I may or may not have done this. There isn't proof (just don't check the garbage bin on the side of my house).

This election feels more like good guy versus bad guy than anything else and I'm sitting on the edge of my seat like I was when I saw Batman this summer stoned at the IMAX with Brian. God save us if the bad guy wins yet again.