I went free-falling at 13000 feet for 60 seconds before gently gliding to the ground for 5 minutes. It was the most amazing and liberating thing I've ever done. It definitely was the exact thing I needed to kind of put the seal on what this last year has felt like. I don't think anything else could've summed it up better than jumping out of an airplane at 13000 feet just praying to God that the shoot opens. For those 60 seconds, there is nothing and everything going through your mind. Trying to remember what they taught you in class and also think about the fact that you're free-falling at 120mph. It was just truly amazing to see everything from that high up. It was definitely the let-go I was looking for.
I just realized how pathetic the situation is and I need to move on. I'm better than that and I need to keep saying it and believing it, otherwise this is going to just keep happening and I don't want it too. I'm in a good place and this is the one thing still keeping me attached and I just need to let go and as hard as it is, I just need to keep going otherwise this whole process won't be as complete. It won't mean as much. I think that's the one thing I need is that complete transition.
Sometimes it's hard to believe how much I've spent really taken a look at myself introspectively and tried to gain the deeper meaning to my actions and have a better understanding of myself and the other people in my life. It wasn't until the past few months that I've gone from being quiet because I didn't want to say wants on my mind to being quiet because I want to figure out what's on my mind and then speaking it. It's been a strange transition, but a better one. At least I think before I speak and thus don't make as big of an ass of myself as I use to. Though there still isn't total censorship so that doesn't mean I've stopped looking like an idiot sometimes. "How many ounces are in this 40?" that is just deplorable, honestly :)
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