After Shock...

There are few things in life I take seriously, my birthday has never been one of them. I don't really care for my birthday. It's never really been a fun day, ever since my Grandma died on my 6th birthday, it's never exactly been a day full of fun memories. The last good birthday I had was in 2005. Perhaps it was the company I was in or maybe just the fact that the day was mellow and uninteresting; either way, it was nice. The first really nice birthday I had had in quite a few years.

Last year, my birthday was pretty terrible. Whenever I think about it, it still sucks. This year I determined that fuck it, I don't give a shit, I don't want any big dinners or parties or cake or presents, fuck it, I'm taking myself on an adventure. I'm going skydiving. I'm jumping out of an airplane at 13,000 feet with a man and a parachute strapped to my back and I'm going to be scared out of my mind but I'm going to do it. And the thing about it all, is that I don't even a give a shit that it's my birthday, I'm going that day because I get a birthday discount. I'm super pumped. I'm going alone. Well, I mean, when I jump there has to be a professional strapped to my back but no one's coming with. I invited a bunch of friends but I didn't really hold out hope that someone would actually go with me. I'm ecstatic. I don't think I've ever been this excited for my birthday. Except maybe my 18th but that's only because I got to get my first tattoo.

This is the time of year I always dread. I'm not exactly sure why because I love this time of year but I think it's because it's the season of ever-evolving change. The whole spring symbol of rebirth; it really does create this season of unsteady understanding of what's going on in your life. I feel so confused and just ready to take it on, whatever IT is.