05 February, 2008

PDX

I've been thinking a lot about Portland lately. I'm finding that there are parts of it that I miss. I feel like when I was out there, I was absolutely unattached and free, and it was terrifying, and it didn't end up that well, but it felt good to be so independent and I think I'm really missing that right now. I feel that much of that has to do with the fact that I'm so entrenched in right now. I have this job, that although I enjoy, I definitely don't want to see myself at in 3 or 4 years. I bought a car that is making the idea of picking up a going elsewhere almost impossible but I also know, full well, that if I really wanted out, I'd make it happen for myself.

Portland played such an important and very key role in how I've managed to get to where I am right now and I think that I'm reminiscent of it because I am so proud of myself. I have no problem admitting to that either. I couldn't be more proud of myself. I did something that not many people can say they did and although I failed and had to come back, I will never look at it as if it were a failure, but as something that pushed me into the stronger and more adult person that I am right now.

Perhaps winter should end so I can feel less stuck. It's hard to feel mobile when there's a foot of snow and slush on the ground, and getting from point a to point b is practically impossible when you're slipping and sliding all over the place. I know that California will bring me some relief and so will Dallas. I just need to remind myself that, this is it, there's nothing more to look forward to, it's all about here and now and whatever happens then, will happen then.

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