Sometimes I wonder...

if he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I wonder if he reads these updates. I wonder if I'll ever fucking move on. I feel just as pathetic as I think he is for what he's doing. Maybe that's harsh but knowing what I know, that's just how it honestly seems. Pathetic. Though I'm not saying that to put him down, I'm saying it because I feel the same way. I feel just as pathetic and all I want is to keep moving forward.

I'm hoping and praying this job with the ACLU works out. I hate this intense waiting game and normally I wouldn't get my hopes too high but the way the interview went and what the Director who interviewed me said to me, I can't help but get a little hopeful that maybe this will work out. Just the thought that maybe, just maybe, I have a chance to get back into doing what it is that I've spent so long wanting to get involved with. It would feel like I've actually accomplished what I set out to accomplish this year. Perhaps grad school can wait a little longer if this can pan out because as far as I'm concerned, I don't need to push going to Glasgow unless I'm still stuck here. I know I made the promise to go, and I will, but if I can get back to doing what it is that I really want to be doing, then I might as well post-pone it for another year if it comes down to it

I'm ready to get out of here. I'm ready to continue. I know I say it often, but I'm absolutely sick of it here. I'm sick of the commute. I'm sick of the menial, mindless tasks. I'm sick of the ridiculous melodrama this office produces. I'm in a place I promised myself I'd never be and now I'm fighting with everything in me to get the hell out of it. I'm still so drawn to just wander. I've read and reread "Into the Wild" and all I can think is how I wish I could do it. And I know that when it's all said and done, there isn't a whole hell of a lot stopping me from it, it's just me stopping me because I know better. I know that where I want to be doesn't involve becoming an untraceable vagabond. I just really want to continue to travel and have the adventures I so completely yearn for. I realize how cheesy it sounds, but fuck you because it's the truth. I YEARN for adventure and I'm not ashamed to say it. Wanderlust is something that not everyone has and it's my duty to keep that alive in me.