To Keep Warm...

The sharp cold has reached Chicago and we're officially submerged into the icy-depths of the midwestern winter. Thankfully there hasn't been a significant snowfall as of yet, but it's only a matter of time. After the lengthy, cold and snowy winter from last year, I'm hoping this winter is a little more mild with a little less snow and a little less cold but it's a long-shot. We have notoriously shitty winters in this part of the country and I venture to guess this year will be no different.

I love getting off the train in the morning and seeing all of these people dressed in coats that look like they're made from comforters or sleeping bags that go all the way down to their ankles, with their hoods up, that are almost always covered in fur and pull tightly enough to where only some eyes and a nose are visible. I laugh. It's not even December. The coldest it's been here has been 19 and for Chicago, you might as well as say it's 40 because that isn't shit compared to the kind of cold we get. Winter is dreary and dreadful and though I'm approaching the one year mark of that terrible yet eye-opening break up, I can look back now without regret or worry and with the full knowledge that I'm can do better than that and that I've already started to create a path for myself as to where I want to go.

The thought that there isn't someone that is holding me back, has made it that much easier to find my way forward. It's funny. When I look back to a year ago, I remember wanting to be exactly where he's at with her and knowing he wanted to be exactly where I'm at now, free and alone to figure it out. It's funny how things change like that, how he has the life I wanted and I have his. I'm not jealous anymore about it because I honestly feel I got the better end of this deal. I'm in a position where I'm not being held back by anyone or anything and I'm pushing myself toward the things that I want. It's all relative anyway, I'm just glad that I'm not tied down to a person and a living situation and I'm free to roam wherever in the world. 10 more months before my adventure abroad and I don't see myself coming back to the states for at least 3 years if not longer.

When I fell through the sky with only a thin piece of cloth to save me from certain death, I realized how much is left out there that I haven't had the chance to find. As painful as it was last January, I look forward to putting it all behind me once and for all and taking 2009 as the blank slate that this year was meant to be. It was a blessing in disguise. The final push I needed to realize that I can't let another opportunity pass me by. I tried and failed, 2 and half years putting myself out there without hearing the response of even one 'I love you' and I'm finally seeing just how unfair it really was but I've learned from it and I don't regret my time with him, I just dislike the way it ended.

A regret is a mistake that we haven't learned from and I have learned more over these past 11 months than I ever thought could be possible. I would say thank you but I wouldn't mean it because I did this on my own for once and I have no one to thank, I only have the means to be proud of myself for taking full advantage of what could've been a great loss but turned into a huge gain.

In the not so subtle yet vague news of my life to date, my marathon training has finally broken through. I'm finally getting farther and faster. Thanks in part to the fact that I've quit smoking. It's been over a week since my last cigarette and now that I'm almost at 1 mile of straight running, there is no going back to those things because it feels way too good. I think at the rate that I'm going, I'll hit 1 mile straight within 2 weeks which is incredible not to mention something I didn't think was at all possible. MK is going to talk me through getting to the point where I can train fully aka run at least 5 or 6 miles straight a day. I'm still as determined as I was a month ago when I started, if not moreso, and that marathon in May is looking more and more doable every time I go running. Winter or no winter, I'm going to keep charging forward.