I forget how far I've really come until I go back and read it. I don't expect that to make much sense. I've been far too emotional lately. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this update. I haven't felt much like sharing lately. I don't know what it is. I didn't think it would be this hard to let go of everything but it has been. I didn't realize how much I really created for myself in Chicago until I picked up and left it behind. I haven't stopped missing people and things since I first realized that I wasn't going back for 10 months. I know I should be enjoying the fact that I'm here and having this incredible experience but it's hard when I haven't felt at ease since the day I got here.
I hope this gets easier.
10 October, 2009
09 September, 2009
Ready? Set? GO!
Hour and a half til my plane takes off from O'Hare. I'll get into Philly about 730 and from there I fly out at 915 where I'll get to Dublin at 845 tomorrow morning. I'm not even sure what to do with myself. I feel like I should've cried more. I think I'm just in this daze of unreality. It's a surreal moment saying goodbye to everything and everyone and picking up and taking off for a new place and new people and a whole new adventure. I'm excited. I can't say that I'm not cause I am and though I'm sad to leave knowing I'll never come back again to the same people & the same places. Time doesn't stand still when you go and everything will keep moving while I'm gone. I expect it to and I want it to. It's just a little bit of the big picture it seems.
Safe travels today. I'll update again once I'm in Glasgow.
Safe travels today. I'll update again once I'm in Glasgow.
14 August, 2009
3 weeks
Paperwork is checked off. I have my visa. Plane ticket has been purchased and even my luggage is determinedly packed. Leaving the country for at least a year is something of a reality now. It's no longer this crazy pipe dream I had a year ago when I realized how badly I needed to get things figured out so I could start going after something that wasn't working some crapass cubicle job, paying rent, & struggling to figure out how being an adult worked. My solution: go back to school.
I'm excited. My panic comes in waves now instead of a persistent fringe anxiety attack that I've been avoiding for 2 months now. As of today, 2 weeks left of this cubicle in this company that is the epitome of what makes up "the man". Am I ashamed I sold out for as long as I did? Not really. It allowed me to get to this place where I can chase after something I never thought was within reach.
This is the first big step I'm making without the thought of "am I running away?" I'm not. I've just outgrown what's here for me and though I'll miss my friends and family, this is an opportunity I cannot pass up. Instead of running away I'm finally running toward something. I just hope that something becomes clearer once I have left, but I have a sneaking suspicion the lines are only going to blur even more steadily together the farther from here I go. It'll be like a reverse magic-eye picture.
I'm excited. My panic comes in waves now instead of a persistent fringe anxiety attack that I've been avoiding for 2 months now. As of today, 2 weeks left of this cubicle in this company that is the epitome of what makes up "the man". Am I ashamed I sold out for as long as I did? Not really. It allowed me to get to this place where I can chase after something I never thought was within reach.
This is the first big step I'm making without the thought of "am I running away?" I'm not. I've just outgrown what's here for me and though I'll miss my friends and family, this is an opportunity I cannot pass up. Instead of running away I'm finally running toward something. I just hope that something becomes clearer once I have left, but I have a sneaking suspicion the lines are only going to blur even more steadily together the farther from here I go. It'll be like a reverse magic-eye picture.
07 July, 2009
Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band Mini Midwest Tour
Just got back from going on tour "with" Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley band a few days ago. I say "with" because we didn't actually go on tour with them, we just kind of followed them around the midwest for 4 days. Kansas City, Columbia, Louisville, & a surprise show in Cleveland.
Being on the road was one of those all time great adventures. I know last year when I went skydiving that I wanted to try and cross off items on my list of 'things to do before i die' and following a band on tour was definitely one of those things. After spending only 5 days on the road, Sharon & I were exhausted. We have mad respect for all musicians who tour all the time. It's a rough ride and we didn't go on-stage every night.
Having the taste of what it's like to constantly travel. To wake up in a different city every day. Cross state lines and put miles behind you and the place you were. Meet someone new in every city. It was incredible. Today was the most difficult day of work I've ever had. Having to return to the monotony of my computer and my cubicle and the woes of men with mighty egos was just hard. I wanted so much to be in the car driving to another venue to another show.
It made me that much more excited for Scotland. I can't wait to have that possibility to just go and see the places I've always wanted to without a job or anything holding me back. I want to be able to travel and never stop. That's where I'm at right now. I just want to keep going to I find what it is I'm looking for.
Being on the road was one of those all time great adventures. I know last year when I went skydiving that I wanted to try and cross off items on my list of 'things to do before i die' and following a band on tour was definitely one of those things. After spending only 5 days on the road, Sharon & I were exhausted. We have mad respect for all musicians who tour all the time. It's a rough ride and we didn't go on-stage every night.
Having the taste of what it's like to constantly travel. To wake up in a different city every day. Cross state lines and put miles behind you and the place you were. Meet someone new in every city. It was incredible. Today was the most difficult day of work I've ever had. Having to return to the monotony of my computer and my cubicle and the woes of men with mighty egos was just hard. I wanted so much to be in the car driving to another venue to another show.
It made me that much more excited for Scotland. I can't wait to have that possibility to just go and see the places I've always wanted to without a job or anything holding me back. I want to be able to travel and never stop. That's where I'm at right now. I just want to keep going to I find what it is I'm looking for.
18 June, 2009
Extremism is still extremist, no matter what end of the spectrum you're on
i hate neo-liberals more than i hate neo-cons. extremism is a backwards movement no matter what end of the political spectrum you're on.
the only way to find a common ground is through give and take. you can't just take and you can't just give, it has to be a balancing act. to live with the idea that there's only one way to do anything whether if it's for a good cause like helping the environment or women's right or animal's rights, you're not helping anything by not allowing other processes & ideas to come into the picture.
i'm so sick of these holier-than-thou bullshitters who think that just because they don't buy into political main-stream thoughts and try just as hard to live "off the grid" they think they're making a fucking difference. the only difference they're making is allowing for more extremism to breed on both ends of the spectrum and making it more difficult for moderates to try and see what the push & pull of ideas from both ends can achieve.
i'm so sick of radicalists & their bullshit movements, get off your god damn soap box and get involved in some really fucking causes you high-horse living extremist fucks.
...PETA hit a nerve today http://tinyurl.com/klebua
the only way to find a common ground is through give and take. you can't just take and you can't just give, it has to be a balancing act. to live with the idea that there's only one way to do anything whether if it's for a good cause like helping the environment or women's right or animal's rights, you're not helping anything by not allowing other processes & ideas to come into the picture.
i'm so sick of these holier-than-tho
i'm so sick of radicalists & their bullshit movements, get off your god damn soap box and get involved in some really fucking causes you high-horse living extremist fucks.
...PETA hit a nerve today http://tinyurl.com/klebua
08 May, 2009
May is the Month
I'm going to streamline this update, if for no other reason, than it's fun for me.
NEW:
-Got my passport & plane ticket: I leave for Scotland 09/09/09 (kinda weird).
-Moving back to Chicago at the end of this month, just for the summer, to spend time with Brian & live it up a little before I head out of the country for god knows how long
-Preparing for summer the only way I know how: working out like a maniac so as not to be a fatty fat
-On a whim on Wednesday I decided I was going to go on a 3 day mini-tour with Conor Oberst & the Mystic Valley Band this summer so from June 26th - July 1st I will be on the road with CO and driving through Missouri & Kentucky & then back home. (SIDENOTE: the new CO & the MVB album came out Tuesday = AHHHH-mazing)
That might be the only new news I have for now. Things have been chugging along pretty quickly the past few months. It's been quite a whirlwind and I have no doubt it will only be speeding up as this month hurries along into June and summer. 4 months left til I leave (almost exactly). Any advice for me, now's the time to provide it because I could use it.
NEW:
-Got my passport & plane ticket: I leave for Scotland 09/09/09 (kinda weird).
-Moving back to Chicago at the end of this month, just for the summer, to spend time with Brian & live it up a little before I head out of the country for god knows how long
-Preparing for summer the only way I know how: working out like a maniac so as not to be a fatty fat
-On a whim on Wednesday I decided I was going to go on a 3 day mini-tour with Conor Oberst & the Mystic Valley Band this summer so from June 26th - July 1st I will be on the road with CO and driving through Missouri & Kentucky & then back home. (SIDENOTE: the new CO & the MVB album came out Tuesday = AHHHH-mazing)
That might be the only new news I have for now. Things have been chugging along pretty quickly the past few months. It's been quite a whirlwind and I have no doubt it will only be speeding up as this month hurries along into June and summer. 4 months left til I leave (almost exactly). Any advice for me, now's the time to provide it because I could use it.
08 March, 2009
Spring has sprung...
The rains have hit Chicago along with weather above the 30's. I love March, it's always the month where Spring starts to push it's way through the door and winter is forced to take a back seat. Eventually, I would really like to see winter just shoved out the door and do a tuck & roll in the middle of the Mojave never to be seen or heard from again, but alas, there's no such luck.
6 more months til I'm out of here. It's slowly becoming more real. Applying for financial aide has been a headache, but hopefully it will be done by the end of the month and I'll be able to finally rest easy knowing I'm more in debt but Glasgow is paid for.
I have a feeling the next 6 months are going to fly by and I'm not going to know what to do with myself. The past 2 years have been an uphill battle from the very beginning and there have been quite a few people that use to be in my life that didn't make it easy to get through it all but they've left for the most part and as unfortunate as it is to have your trust continually broken by people who meant a lot, it's easier now. I feel like the storm has finally past and the sweet smells of spring are just around the corner. Longer days are here & so are warmer weather and thunderstorms. It's hard not to smile.
Next weekend is St. Patrick's Day, well, the celebration, the actual day is the Tuesday after. I'm running my first marathon on Saturday in St. Louis. I'm nervous but it's only a 5 miles run and though I don't think I'll be able to run the entire thing, just being able to run half or 3/4 will be fine by me. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
6 more months til I'm out of here. It's slowly becoming more real. Applying for financial aide has been a headache, but hopefully it will be done by the end of the month and I'll be able to finally rest easy knowing I'm more in debt but Glasgow is paid for.
I have a feeling the next 6 months are going to fly by and I'm not going to know what to do with myself. The past 2 years have been an uphill battle from the very beginning and there have been quite a few people that use to be in my life that didn't make it easy to get through it all but they've left for the most part and as unfortunate as it is to have your trust continually broken by people who meant a lot, it's easier now. I feel like the storm has finally past and the sweet smells of spring are just around the corner. Longer days are here & so are warmer weather and thunderstorms. It's hard not to smile.
Next weekend is St. Patrick's Day, well, the celebration, the actual day is the Tuesday after. I'm running my first marathon on Saturday in St. Louis. I'm nervous but it's only a 5 miles run and though I don't think I'll be able to run the entire thing, just being able to run half or 3/4 will be fine by me. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
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